How to Prepare Your Child for Secondary School
Transitions can be difficult for anyone; walking into the unknown is frightening, especially if you are a child in foster care who has already experienced upheaval. You can, however, help ease your child's fears by supporting them and preparing for this new season of their life together.
Talk to your child about how they are feeling
If your child hasn't yet opened up about how they feel about starting secondary school, talk to them. If they aren't ready to discuss their feelings, you could ask them to write down their fears, expectations and goals and share them with you when they feel comfortable. You could also encourage them to talk to their friends at school as they may have similar fears or to a foster sibling who has already started secondary school.
Every child is unique, but children often experience similar worries about transitioning to secondary school. So, here are some common fears and our recommendations for helping your foster child work through them and prepare for the next stage of their education.
Will we still be friends?
Your child may be concerned about seeing friends who aren't transitioning to the same secondary school, maintaining current friendships and trying to make new friends. For a child in foster care, saying goodbye to friends could be quite triggering due to their experience of loss and separation. You can ease your child's fears about friendships and help them prepare by:
- Reminding them that the internet makes staying in contact with friends easier.
- Suggesting that your child remains in contact with their friends at other schools by becoming pen pals and writing weekly letters or emails to each other to stay connected.
- Organising some fun activities for your child to do with their friends from other schools during the weekends and school holidays.
- Reminding them that if their friends aren't in the same classes as them, they can meet up with them during break times and after-school activities.
- Letting them know that, at secondary school, there are more opportunities to make friends because children from many primary schools will be attending.
- Helping them practice making new friends by asking them to discuss their interests, hobbies and pets.
- Ensuring they know that it is up to them whether or not they share that they live in care.
What will my teachers be like?
Most children will have the same teacher for every subject at primary school unless the teacher leaves. When they go to secondary school, they'll have a different teacher for each subject, and they may worry about their teachers being strict or unfair. For children in care, meeting new teachers is more complex. They may struggle to trust adults due to previous experiences, and you may worry that the teachers won't be trauma-informed.
Before the child in your care begins secondary school, you can arrange a meeting with the school to ensure they understand your child's needs. At the meeting, you can discuss any alterations that need to be employed to make your child feel safe and comfortable in the classroom. For example, if your child becomes overstimulated or overwhelmed in crowds, sitting by the door could help ease their anxiety because they know they can escape the situation if it becomes too much. You can then support your child through their fears by:
- Using the school website to familiarise them with their teacher’s names and faces.
- Encouraging your child to talk to older children already at the school who may be able to offer some reassurance about their teachers.
- Reassuring them that their teachers are there to help them learn and achieve.
- Reminding them that they can always come to you if they have any problems with their teachers.
Will I be able to find my way around?
Secondary schools are significantly larger than primary schools. Your foster child might be worried about finding their way around their new school. To help alleviate their anxieties, you could:
- Use a map of the school and their timetable to help them visualise finding the classroom for a particular lesson. They may have received a map during a transition day, and some schools have downloadable maps on their websites.
- Reassure them that older students usually guide new pupils around the school when they begin.
- Let them know that it's ok to ask another student or teacher for directions if they get lost.
What happens if I get lost walking to school or miss the bus?
Whether your child is walking to school, taking the bus or another mode of transport, they may be scared of travelling to school alone for the first time. In preparation for this change, you could:
- Drive them along their bus route so they know what to expect.
- Practise their walking route together.
- Draw the bus or walking route and highlight landmarks to watch out for so they don't get lost.
- Note any additional details they may need, such as the bus number or coach company name.
- Ensure they know what to do if they get lost or miss the bus.
What happens at lunchtime?
Children have more independence over their lunch at secondary school. If your child has lunches provided by the school, they'll have to use a preloaded card or thumbprint to pay for their lunch. If they have a packed lunch, they may be able to eat it in designated spots around the school. To prepare your child for the new way they'll have lunch, you could:
- Help them practice ordering their food and paying for it.
- Discuss what they'd like in their lunchbox.
- Ensure they know what to do if they lose their lunch card or find no money in their lunch account.
Will I have more homework?
When children start secondary school, they will study subjects in more depth, and their homework will increase. The thought of having more homework could cause anxiety in your child. To prepare for this increase in workload, you could:
- Create a routine with your child in advance, using a timetable or diary to allocate time to homework, chores and things they enjoy so they feel less overwhelmed.
- Ask the school if there are any homework clubs your child could attend and discuss this idea with them.
- Ensure they know what to do if they forget or lose their homework.
- Remind them that it is always ok to ask for help if they struggle with their homework.
Research the School Together
Researching your child's secondary school website is a great way to prepare as they usually offer essential information and resources. It could also help your child feel excited about becoming a pupil and feel part of the school before they start. Spend some time browsing the school's website and social media pages together, writing a list that includes:
- School start and end times.
- Uniform and PE kit policy.
- Term dates.
- Upcoming school events.
- Extracurricular activities, like sports teams, drama clubs and volunteering opportunities.
- School trips.
- The name of school houses.
Buying the Essentials
Ensure the child you are caring for has everything they need well ahead of time. Create a list together and go on a fun shopping trip, allowing your child to choose their backpack and pencil case so they look forward to using them. Secondary schools usually provide exercise books, textbooks, a timetable and a homework diary, but you are responsible for purchasing the rest. Other items your child will need include:
- Uniform and PE Kit
- Pens
- Pencils
- Pencil sharpener
- Rubber
- Highlighter
- Ruler
- Pencil case
- Scientific calculator
- Geometry set
- A4 paper/notepad
- Water bottle
- Lunch box
- Backpack
Once you have all the essentials, you can help your child pack their bag for the first day. Be guided by them so they can practice using their timetable to pack for the day. For example, if their timetable says they have maths on their first day, they will need their geometry set and scientific calculator. Ensure they pack their bus pass, and if they have school lunches, you may need to top it up in advance online.
Focus on the Opportunities
While preparing the child in your care for secondary school, you can help calm their nerves and build excitement by emphasising the new possibilities it will open for them. Secondary schools support children as they prepare for independence. From completing their homework to getting to class on time, your child will learn how to manage their workload, think for themselves and create connections with children from various backgrounds. They’ll learn subjects in more depth, which will help them discover their preferences so they can begin contemplating their future. And there will be more opportunities to go on stimulating school trips and participate in activities.
Support for foster children
At FCA Scotland, we understand the transition to secondary school can be challenging for the whole family. It can trigger big emotions and take time to adapt to a new routine, but our support for foster children provides a solid platform for foster families. From social workers to therapists, educational advisors and more, our Team Parenting model puts children first and supports their development by encouraging participation and responding to their concerns.
Not only that, our training for foster carers prepares you to provide therapeutic foster care and teaches you how to support children through transitions. During our Prepare to Foster training, you'll learn what it's like to be a child in care, and our Mandatory and Complementary training will equip you to provide therapeutic foster care.
So, if you'd like to support children as they navigate independence and become well-rounded adults, why not consider fostering teenagers? Whether you choose interim, short-break, or long-term fostering, at FCA Scotland, we'll support you throughout your journey. Together, we can keep The Promise and improve the lives of children and young people in care.
