When you think of Christmas, images of mince pies, mistletoe and festive feasts may spring to mind, but for the teenager in your care, it may feel significantly different – they could be dreading the festive season. But we’re here to help you prepare for Christmas with your teenager so they can look forward to celebrating and making new happy memories with you and your family.
The challenges of Christmas for fostered teenagers
Whether you’ve been fostering a child who’s now a teenager or have just welcomed a teenager into your home, Christmas can provoke strong emotions. It can emphasise feelings of being different from their peers, and experiencing Christmas without their family could intensify a sense of loss and grief. It could also bring difficult memories to the surface if past Christmases with their birth family have been challenging.
While you can’t prevent your teenager from experiencing distressing emotions about Christmas, you can put them at ease and support them by making plans that consider their individual needs and nurture their well-being. Here are our tips to help you prepare so your teenager feels safe, loved and understood during the Christmas period, into the New Year and beyond.
Have an open conversation
One of the best ways to prepare for a Christmas that supports your teenager’s well-being is to talk openly with them about Christmas as early as possible. If you watch TV together and a Christmas advert is shown, this could be a good conversation starter. You could ask them how they feel about Christmas or their favourite thing about the festive period.
They may not want to engage in conversation, but by approaching the topic, you provide them with a safe space to express their feelings when they are ready. If they are anxious about upcoming celebrations, reassure them and remind them that they can always come to you if things get too much.
Remain curious and be mindful that their behaviour may tell you everything you need to know about their feelings. If you need extra support, you can always discuss your concerns with your supervising social worker or get advice from other foster carers.
Let them make some decisions
Whether they tell you or not, teenagers often want more input in decisions that impact them, especially if they are close to adulthood. So, include your teenager in the preparations for Christmas. If this is the first Christmas with your teenager, ask them to share any traditions they’d like to include. If you’ve been fostering your teenager for a while, see if they’d like to swap any of your usual traditions for new ones.
You could decide what will be on the menu together. They may have seen some recipes online they’d like to try or could prefer something straightforward if they aren’t used to a lavish festive feast. You could also encourage them to feel part of your family by asking them to help you select gifts for each family member.
Including your teenager in Christmas preparations could help them feel effective and like they belong. It will additionally teach them how to make decisions for themselves, which will be incredibly useful when they leave care.
Organise teen-friendly activities
The magic of Christmas isn’t reserved for small children; it can still be found in the eyes of teenagers who’ve never had the opportunity to experience festive fun. So, organise some teen-friendly Christmas activities, and if you have young children, be conscious that your teenager may not want to tag along to Santa’s grotto.
If your teenager is comfortable with crowds, you could attend a local Christmas market or ice skate at a temporary outdoor rink. Although it’s nice to spend time as a family, your teenager may like to take a friend, so make arrangements far enough in advance to facilitate this.
Always run ideas for activities by your teenager before making concrete plans, and check in with them regularly to ensure they still want to participate. They may prefer a quiet Christmas at home where they feel safe and comfortable, so a Christmas movie marathon, crafts or baking could be a great alternative.
Buy thoughtful gifts
If your teenager has come from a home of abuse or neglect, you may be tempted to shower them with gifts to make them happy on Christmas day. However, it could be incredibly overwhelming if they’ve not experienced it before, and they may feel uncomfortable receiving so much attention. Instead, focus on buying a few thoughtful gifts that show your teenager that you understand their personality and interests.
If you’ve only recently begun fostering a teenager, you could ask them to write a list of ideas or talk to other foster carers for inspiration. But, to get you started, here are our ideas for Christmas presents for a teenager in foster care:
- Personalised gifts – If you haven’t had time to figure out exactly what your teenager would like, personalised items could be the ideal option. Writing their name on a mug, water bottle, or necklace shows that you’ve put effort into buying something just for them.
- Gift cards – If you’re really struggling with ideas, gift cards could be a good choice. They are more personal than cash and, in the New Year, you could take them on a shopping trip to buy exactly what they want.
- Bedroom accessories – If your teenager has recently moved in, you could buy them some accessories for their bedroom, like fluffy blankets, LED lights and personalised bedding.
- Self-care items – They may feel anxious, so support their well-being by buying them self-care items that help them feel rested and relaxed, such as an eye mask, bath bombs, bubble bath, a journal or a book of daily affirmations.
Discuss boundaries
When the Christmas holidays arrive, your teenager may want to stay up later, sleep in, and take a break from their usual routine. Relaxing their routine slightly can be beneficial, but it’s essential to maintain regular mealtimes and ensure they go to bed at a reasonable hour. This consistency will help them feel safe and stable during the festive season, even if they don’t consciously realise it.
It’s also a good idea to discuss holiday boundaries with your teenager ahead of time. For instance, establish a limit on how long they can spend on social media and remind them that these limits are set for their own well-being. Don’t forget to take their perspective into account as well. If they’ve previously lived in an environment where alcohol was misused, you may need to exclude alcohol from Christmas celebrations to ensure they feel safe.
Plans may change
When fostering teenagers at Christmas, their well-being is the top priority, so you may need to prepare for any last-minute changes to your plans. Reassure your teenager that if they don’t feel up to doing something, that’s perfectly okay, and have some backup ideas ready just in case.
If your teenager struggles to cope during the festive season, reach out—our support for foster carers is available 24/7. If you’re new to your role, talk to one of our carer buddies or other foster carers in your area; their wealth of experience and knowledge could help steer you in the right direction.
Remember: Even if your Christmas doesn’t go to plan, your teenager will spend the festive season in a home where they’re safe, loved and appreciated, something they may never have experienced before.
If you’re thinking about fostering, get in touch. Our team will provide advice and guidance on how to foster a child and the process involved. They’ll also help you prepare to foster and can answer any questions you may have about starting your journey. With you on board, we can provide more children in care with a loving home where they can make positive Christmas memories and have the childhood they truly deserve.
